My latest escapade too me to the Big Easy. Yes, I swear I do work! Hard!
The trip itself was rather lack-luster with full day meetings and group events scheduled after work hours to keep the group out of trouble, I suppose. So fast forward a few days to the return trip.
If any of you have visited MSY (Louis Armstrong International Airport), and have been lucky enough to fly USAir, you are privy to the fact of spaciousness in terminal B. There are literally jazzercise sized classrooms of space all around with very few seats.
Back to the story! OK, so in this vast openness, I could see and hear nearly everyone intended on boarding the 2:20 to CLT. People watching is becoming a subconscious hobby… Though I was not ease dropping, I could plainly hear the conversation of one would-be passenger most of all as I was seated near the boarding door. He managed to get out the fact of a medical condition which causes uncontrollable outburst of potential vulgarity. Yes ladies and gents, turrets. I applaud his action as a heads up to the staff and crew as I am sure this is difficult to deal with. However it did get funny but not until later.
***Of note – I am not making fun of the person or the condition, merely the situation!!!!
So the process of boarding the flight begins. The gentleman again, provides insight as to his condition to the stewardess and the captain. He takes a seat across from me and again delivers his spiel, this time adding the blurb, “But nothing normally happens.” At this point, for the sake of the story, we shall dub him Mr B.
Still, I’m not making fun!
The normal preflight dissertation of safety, no smoking, and how to work a seat belt begins and Mr B. cranks up, dropping “Bitch” , “Whore”, “Stupid ass”, and a variety of other derogatory terms, apologizing once he finished his rant and regained his composure. No one seemed to pay him any attention since we had all been warned. The stewardess finished up and the flight process resumed with a take off. At this point, I thought we were in the clear.
Well of course, this flight had one of those really talky-talky Captains who likes to narrate points of interest as you fly by at 500 miles an hour at 30 some thousand feet above… I’m not sure what part of the state of AL it was that set it all off, but shortly after our Captain Tour Guide finished an announcement, Mr B. revs up.
In a mumbly, groiny voice – “Bomb! Bomb! I have a bomb!”
Get the Mr B. draw now?
This continues for a few minutes with each exclamation getting louder and louder and the surrounding passengers getting more and more nervous. Again he apologizes to the masses but this time goes right back to it.
“Bomb! Bomb! I have a bomb!”
Now he was drawing a crowd of spectators. Louder and louder still, “Bomb! Bomb! I have a bomb!”
Finally after several uneasy moments and somewhat attacking commentary from other passengers, Mr B. stood up and did the full police SPREAD ‘EM stance with his arms and legs fully gapped. He walked from seat 8C to the front of the plane where the stewardess was seated and broke into apologetic remorse denying his possession of a destructive device.
Not enough to do this duck-like stroll through the plane one way, but he does the same walk back to his seat, pleading to every passenger all the way.
By this time, I was pretending to be asleep as to not be drawn in more… I fake slept the remainder of the flight and exited post-haste once we landed.
By far one of the most entertaining flights I have ever been on! (Even while fake sleeping!)